"I am the reason for my own sadness"
"You get depressed because you know that you’re not what you should be."
"I shut down to protect myself."
Sorry just have to get it out [personal]
So.. It has been months since I have last cut. Tonight was really hard bc my parents were fighting and I didn’t know what to do with all the pent up stress. I was sitting for the longest time scratching at my palm, shaking. I wanted to hurt myself badly. I still do. Instead, I started cleaning; I couldn’t sit still, so I cleaned my room and bathroom and started on the kitchen. I still feel that odd pit in my stomach trying to spread back into every corner of my body. Usually it only stays in my upper abdomen and in my heart. I try to bury it under school work and Netflix. A small part of me wants to allow it to take over again, but another part of me doesn’t let it. I started wearing short sleeves again, without a sweater. I have also begun taking classes in Muay Thai and it really helps with the pent up stress; however, I am worried. Towards the end of last summer I broke off of recovery. I fear I shall do the same again. I suppose only time will tell…